When I was doing a sales job years ago, we were constantly attending talks and seminars that advocate people to dream big or go home. Everyone has to dream big enough or you have no reason to be there.

And since everyone has to share their dream and somewhat pledge to achieve it, each person would cooked up something to say. I know back then these situations made me extremely uncomfortable because frankly I didn’t have big dreams. I’m generally easily contented. It felt like I was at the wrong place. Indeed I was. When I figured it out, I told myself that a sales job that dreams of getting rich someday isn’t for me. Unless if ever I find a motivation strong enough for me to step out of being myself to strive for it.

Fast forward till today, I just wanted to tell people who advocate for dream big or go home that while it’s cool to do so; it’s not cool to despise on people who do not dream big.

What is wrong if my dream is really just to be happy? And me being happy means being able to pay my bills every month without worries and still have a modest amount to spend on things that I enjoy doing? That me being happy come from the simplest things in life?

And so… who understands the frustration of not producing enough breast milk for your baby?

Even when you feel like you’ve given your best; you’ve tried really hard. It’s just not enough. It’s daunting.

All that stress and frustration of wanting to build a stash so you can go back to work without worrying about your baby not having enough breast milk to drink. It’s not happening. It’s killing me. Maybe I should just say f* it and cut myself some slack.

It has been difficult trying to shake off the feeling of mom failure.

Also the anxiety on the clock ticking before having to leave my baby to go back to work.

These are eating me up everyday.