good mom, bad mom?

After being a mom, how much of your own life are you able to retain?

A good mom is one who sacrifices.
At least that’s how society and most people think.

I am a working mom. Lately, I begin to think that I like my job. If I had the choice to be a stay home mom, I know that I would still choose to keep my job and that means being 10 hours away from my baby five days in a week and not being her official caretaker. My baby is close to me but not the closest, she prefers my helper over me at times. It hurt me for quite a bit but I have come to terms with that.

You can’t have the best of both worlds.

Liking and wanting to have a full-time job gives me the guilt because I could have been there all day attending to my baby and I am not- In order to keep close with my baby, I get back from work and spend my remaining time in the day with her. I am tired but that’s okay. She shows me that big smile when she sees Mummy coming through the door, that’s my everyday cheer-up potion!

Sometimes, I want to commit to doing something personal. It could be yoga or playing a mmorpg game and – the guilt comes again. I am already away from my baby most of the time and now that I am home and wanting to play a game over playing with my baby, what kind of mom that makes me? -___-

Yes I frequently have this thought and I end up not doing much. Watching TV and reading books are my easiest past times. I am surrounded by wonderful mummys who give their full commitment to their babies and that often gives me the pressure when I want to take off some time to do my own things.

I feel like a bad mom all the time. :<

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